birthday blues

today is my birthday. i'm 21.

but it scares me. I am about to start my senior year of college.

but in so many ways I still feel like a little girl.

I have had to start thinking about life after graduation and what that will entail.

it is all so overwhelming. and i wish my grandmother was here to see it all unfold.

she would know what to say to calm my nerves and make me feel like everything is going to be alright. no matter what happens.

but i guess i just to need to look to God, and ask him to help me feel his presence and hers in my life always, this year especially.

capri sun mango strawberry popsicles

i have become addicted to pinterest.com, this awesome awesome website with countless cool ideas. one of these ideas was a recipe for popsicles. using capri sun and sliced fresh fruit. i used 2 mountain cooler capri sun's, strawberry and mango slices. i poured the mountain cooler into the popsicle mold i got from bed, bath & beyond for 4.99 and added fruit in along the way. froze them for several hours, about four.

and this was the result: delicious popsicles. i might try a different flavor capri sun next time.

growing up.

somehow i've grown up.

I still have a lot of growing up to do.

yet somehow I've entered this phase where I'm on the precipice of adulthood.

what do I mean by this.

- It's the summer before my senior year of college = 1 year before "the real world"

-1 year before graduation, but a lot less to make decisions about what comes next

- decisions like, do I want to go to grad school, will i truly enjoy a career in sports information?

- if not, what am i called to do?

- i have these big decisions to make yet I still feel like a kid.

- I didn't have the urge to learn to drive when i turned fifteen like most kids do. I didn't even get my learner's at sixteen. I guess I was scared but whatever the reason I didn't get my learners till my freshmen year of college and my license till the beginning of my junior year.

- and so since I've been at college I don't have the most experience and I don't have a car

- which means i don't have as much independence as people my age and people even younger

- But I can't change that and I have to just work to move on and grow from where I am.

- I'm gonna work on my driving this summer and then hopefully get a car before I go back to school.

- and then I will begin my senior year of college and embark on my entrance to adulthood.

- p.s. i love clouds.

Life is flying by.. and my thoughts on that fact

Somehow I became a college senior. What?! really, how did that happen. I swear scholar's comp. was yesterday and not three years ago. But sometimes it does seem like that long ago. I think its just the fact of what it means to be a college senior that scares/worries me.

I love college. Living semi on my own, with some great friends at a great school. But this time next year I'm out in the real world. I really need to start getting life figured out. I feel like I'm so behind.

I just got my driver's license last august but because I've been at school nothing has really changed since I got it. I guess I haven't really expressed my feelings on this to my parent's well until last week. I just don't think anyone hates the constant position of the passenger seat as much as I do. Because I feel like it's too late. I am supposed to have four to five years of driving experience behind me. But because of being at college, I have really about less than a year. And I have close to no experience driving on my own. I suppose I need to pray for patience because while patience is a virture it is one I struggle with. Even though it worries me greatly that I only really have july and august to get good driving experience before school starts. AND i was planning and really hope to have a car before going back to LG. but as much as it hurt to hear him say the other day, I worry my dad is right, I am not a good enough driver to be out there by myself, whether I have my license or not. AND that scares me beyond belief because I have to be ready to drive on my own, people four years younger than me are more independent than I am but I am the one who has to be an adult really soon. I've gotten myself upset and didnt intend for the post to be about this but clearly i needed to vent.